Because I’m so into signs, here’s one for you: if you’ve been banging your head so hard against the same wall you have a headache, it’s time to stop and evaluate if you want to spend your energy on that wall in the first place.
When we stop obsessing over outcomes and start putting our energy into finding our inner purpose and serving others, the noise quiets. The anxiety fades. The self-doubt loosens its grip.
Not sure what you would do without that wall? Maybe it’s a great paycheck. Maybe it’s a role that defines your life, and though you love to vent about it, you don’t know what would replace it.
An instant way to feel more at peace is to get clear on what you want to put into the world. What do you want to spend your time on and why? Answer that question honestly for yourself (not for anyone else) and the reward will be that at the end of the day, whatever you’ve done will feel like enough to you, regardless of how others respond.
I didn’t always realize I had this power. I used to give it away every day, thinking happiness came from achieving things that required controlling outcomes (and truthfully, I still catch myself defaulting to this when tired, not feeling well, or ‘in a rush’)—making things look good on the surface. If I just worked harder, positioned myself better, or got people to see my value, everything would click.
But true progress doesn’t come from gripping harder and forcing it. I mean, it can happen that way, but who wants to spend their life pushing a rock up a hill like that? Gravity is there for a reason. Inspired change comes from shifting your focus to what you can control—your motivations, your energy, and what you do next.
Why Do We Pour Energy Into What We Can’t Control?
So much of overachieving, self-doubt, and perfectionism comes from worrying about or taking responsibility for things outside our control (I personally relate to these themes so much, I wrote a book about it). We try to prove something, convince someone, or force an outcome that’s (mostly if not completely) outside of our control. And the harder we push, the more restless, resentful, or even helpless we feel.
For those of us with ADHD, this is especially tricky. Our brains make most things feel urgent, all external validation appears necessary to avoid rejection, and endless internal what-if spirals seem normal. I spent years of my life silenced by the fear of others misunderstanding or judging me, without realizing my real power was in focusing on what I could add to the world around me, what I wanted to create.
What Happens When You Focus on What You Want to Create?
Everything changes.
When we stop obsessing over outcomes and start putting our energy into finding our inner purpose and serving others, the noise quiets. The anxiety fades. The self-doubt loosens its grip.
That’s why I created The Story Is Yours—to remind myself (and maybe you) that we get to choose where we put our energy. Throughout my life, I heard some variations of “Focus on others, and you’ll find more peace.” It took me years to fully absorb just how beautiful that idea is when put into action. As I understand it, simply put, if you give because it feels like the right thing in your heart, not because you expect, want, or hope for a certain response or outcome in return, you’re already there. And your arrival has so much peace because the destination and when you get there is yours to claim (pro tip: leave the baggage on the spinning conveyor belt, it’s dead weight, and you deserve new luggage.)
So Here’s My Simple Invitation for You:
What’s one small way you can shift your focus today? Not on what you hope will happen, not on how others might react to it but on what makes you feel happy and inspired and hopeful when you put it out into the world. I invite you to define it and take steps to make it yours.
